Prisoner of the Crown Read online

  Still, when Kaia called out through the closed yellow silk curtains, and my mother snapped out a reply, I nearly did cry. And Kaia didn’t relent in her grip, which made me think she was angry with me and Kaia was never angry, even when I refused to eat my supper and demanded dessert instead.

  She parted the curtains and slipped me inside, kneeling beside me and bowing her head to the plush tapestried carpet. I lowered my eyes, too, though I didn’t have to kneel.

  “Well?” the empress demanded in a cold tone. “What is the meaning of this, child?”

  “My humble apologies, Your Imperial Majesty,” Kaia said, though Mother had clearly asked me. Her voice shook and her hand had gone all cold and sweaty. I yanked mine away and she let me. “Her Imperial Highness Princess Jenna has asked me questions I cannot answer. I thought it best to bring her to you immediately.”

  “It’s not your responsibility to think,” Mother replied. A hissing sound as she breathed in her relaxing smoke. “You are to keep the princess well groomed, as she most certainly is not at the moment. Your hair is wet, Jenna.”

  A tear slipped down my cheek, making me glad that I was to keep my eyes averted unless given permission. Maybe she wouldn’t see. “I’m sorry, Mother,” I whispered.

  “As well you should be. Interrupting my quiet time. Going about like a rekjabrel with wild hair. Are you a princess of Dasnaria?”

  “Yes, Your Imperial Majesty.”

  She hmphed in derision. “You don’t look like one. What question did you ask to upset your nurse so?”

  Kaia had gone silent, quaking on the carpet beside me. No help at all. I considered lying, saying Kaia had made it up. But Mother wouldn’t believe that. Kaia would never so recklessly attract punishment. I happened to know she hadn’t snuck the tea—one of the rekjabrel had taken it for her sister, but Kaia had never said.

  “Jenna,” Mother said, voice like ice. “Look at me.”

  I did, feeling defiant, for no good reason. Mother reclined on her pillows, her embroidered silk gown a river of blues over their ruby reds. Her unbound hair flowed over it all, a pale blond almost ivory, like mine. In contrast, her eyes looked black as ebony, darker even than the artful shadows outlining them. She’d removed most of her jewelry, wearing only the wedding bracelets that never came off. She held her glass pipe in her jeweled nails. The scarlet of her lip paint left a waxy mark on the end of it, scented smoke coiling from the bowl.

  “Tears?” Her voice dripped contempt and disbelief. “What could you possibly have said to have your nurse in a puddle and an imperial princess in tears, simply in anticipation?”

  “I didn’t say anything!” I answered.

  “Your nurse is lying then,” the empress cooed. “I shall have to punish her.”

  Kaia let out this noise, like the one Inga’s kitten had made when Ban kicked it. The ladies had taken it to a better home and Inga had cried for days until they gave her five new kittens just like it.

  “I only asked about the elephants,” I said, very quietly.

  “Excuse me?” The arch of her darkened brows perfectly echoed her tone.

  “Elephants!” I yelled at her, and burst into full-fledged sobbing. If you’d asked me then, what made me break all those rules, raising my voice, defying my mother, losing the composure expected of an imperial princess, firstborn daughter of Emperor Einarr, I likely could only have explained that I wanted to know about elephants so badly that it felt like a physical ache. Something extraordinary for a girl who’d rarely experienced pain of any sort.

  Once I’d had a pet, an emerald lizard with bright yellow eyes. Its scales felt like cool water against my skin, and it would wrap its tail tightly around my wrist. I’d only had it a day when it bit me. Astonished by the bright pain, the blood flowing from my finger, I’d barely registered that I’d been hurt before the servants descended, wrapping the wound in bandages soaked in sweet smelling salve that took sensation away.

  They also took the lizard away and wouldn’t give it back, despite my demands and pleas. When the salve wore off, my finger throbbed. And when they took the bandages off, the skin around the bite had turned a fascinating purple and gray. They tried to keep me from looking, but I caught glimpses before they made it numb again, then wrapped it up and I couldn’t see it anymore. I’d tap my finger against things, trying to feel it again. My finger and the lizard, both gone.

  I felt like that, full of purple bruising and soft pain, as if I’d been bitten inside, and somehow numb on the outside. I wondered what might disappear this time.

  “Elephants,” my mother pronounced the word softly, almost in wonder. Then she laughed, not at all nicely. “Leave us,” she snapped, making Kaia scurry backwards. “It’s apparently time for me to have a conversation about life with my daughter.”

  ~ 2 ~

  “Elephants,” my mother repeated once Kaia had fled entirely. Her scarlet mouth curved in a smile I didn’t recognize. “I suppose Hestar and Kral told you about them.”

  I nodded, much easier—and safer—than giving details. She sighed and patted the pillows beside her, beckoning me to sit as I hadn’t done for more than a year, not since I’d turned five and became a big girl, too old for nighttime cuddles. I might’ve minded more if Kral hadn’t been ejected also—and him not even quite five at the time—because boys grow up faster than girls. And then Mother didn’t have any more babies after us.

  Tentatively, I settled into that space, wreathed in the muggy sweet opos smoke that reminded me of being little again. Mother transferred her pipe to her other hand, threading her nails through my damp hair. “You’re growing up,” she observed. “All of you are. And you are imperial princes and princesses. You have everything you could wish for.”

  “Yes, Mother, and I’m grateful,” I replied, as I’d been taught.

  “Yet you wish for more,” she mused. “Why?”

  I looked at my hands in my lap, my pretty robe a pale ghost against the rich colors of the empress’s. “Hestar has more,” I said.

  “Ah. What did Jilliya’s son tell you, hmm?” She had that cooing voice, the one that made me think of the silky scales and sharp teeth of the beautiful lizard that bit me.

  “He and Kral went through the doors—to outside!” I risked a glance at her, her eyes so dark. “A tutor talked to them and showed them pictures of elephants. Hestar is learning to be emperor someday.”

  Mother drew on her pipe, a quiet rush of air, and she hmmd deep in her throat. “That is the way of things. They must go out while you may stay in. Boys don’t belong in the seraglio, not once they’re old enough. It’s time for them to be weaned from the world of women, Hestar and Kral, while you and Inga will stay with us. The world outside the doors is a harsh and dangerous place. It’s a privilege to be allowed to stay.”

  “It is?” It didn’t seem that way. Not when Hestar got to know things I didn’t.

  “Do you see older boys in the seraglio?” she asked, very gently for her.

  I shook my head. Men couldn’t come in, but Hestar and Kral weren’t men yet.

  “Boys grow into men and girls grow into women,” my mother said, almost dreamily, stroking her nails through my hair with whispers like a blade against silk. “Boys can’t learn the ways of men by living among women, so they have to leave. But you, my darling firstborn daughter, you may stay. You will learn the ways of women, which is far superior.”

  “But I want to learn about elephants.” I sounded whiny, and I flinched, waiting for the reprimand. She only laughed, smoky as the coils around the low ceiling.

  “No you don’t. Those are foolish distractions, meant to keep the boys occupied. I’ll let you in on a secret, child. Men are shallow creatures, incapable of subtlety. They are full of fire, exploding everywhere, without calculation. You already have a tutor: me. And I will teach you far more useful things than the names of animals you will never s
ee.”

  Never see. But I wanted to. I wanted to see an elephant with a yearning unlike any I’d ever felt. “Can I have an elephant for a pet?”

  “No, that’s not possible. Don’t be a ninny.”

  That shocked me into silence.

  “You are becoming a woman, Jenna—soon you’ll celebrate your seventh year. It’s time for you to set aside childish things. You will be an empress someday, if you learn well.”

  Just as Hestar and I had planned. “Hestar said he will be emperor and I can be empress.”

  She laughed, a mocking sound in it. “What Jilliya hopes for Hestar has nothing to do with what you can become. Do you understand? Make sure you answer honestly. This is your opportunity to demonstrate your intelligence. Are you as smart as I believe you to be—clever enough to be Empress of all Dasnaria?”

  Ooh, I wanted to be empress. But was I smart? Answer honestly. “I don’t know how smart I have to be to do that. I feel like I don’t understand anything.”

  With a chuckle low in her throat, she stroked my arm and pulled me against her. “That’s a remarkably good answer. Of course you don’t understand anything. You’ve been a child, living in a child’s innocent world. Now you can go through your own set of doors and learn more. Do you want that?”

  This time I didn’t hesitate. “Oh, yes, please!”

  “Your eagerness does you credit, Daughter. You remind me of myself and I shouldn’t have to tell you what a high compliment that is.”

  Pride filled me. Hestar might have Ser Whatever, but I would have lessons with Her Imperial Majesty. “Thank you, Mother.”

  “But you must lose this habit of blurting out your thoughts. Immediately. Everything I teach you must be our secret. You mustn’t tell any of this to anyone. Not to your nurse. Not to Hestar. No one.” Her nails bit into my arm, sharp as lizard’s teeth. “If you do, your hair will fall out in clumps and you’ll puke up everything you eat until you die. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” I whispered. I’d seen that happen to a woman in the seraglio. She’d wasted to nothing, even her whimpers fading away.

  “Make your vow to me.”

  I took a breath. “I promise never to share what you teach me with anyone, on pain of death.”

  She let go of my arm and stroked my hair again. “Good girl.”

  “Will Inga have lessons, too—and Helva?” Though I wasn’t sure if I wanted them to, or not.

  “No.” She breathed the word in scorn, finding a tangle and slicing at it. “Daughters learn from their own mothers. That’s the way of things.”

  But with Jilliya so sick, when would she teach Helva? And Inga…well, Saira was kind, but nothing like my mother.

  “This is your first lesson. I will tell you a story of our family,” my mother said, leaving my hair alone and settling me against her, opos smoke coiling from her pipe. “Our family were the original rulers of Dasnaria. Though it was smaller then, the kingdom of Dasnaria was the richest, most prosperous and most beautiful land in all the world. Other kingdoms pledged fealty to us, envying our wealth and all that it bought. As our vassals, they thrived. And Dasnaria went from kingdom to empire. Your great-great grandfather was Emperor of Dasnaria. You are an empress by right of your ancestors on both sides. More so because our family are the true imperial line of Dasnaria.”

  I tried to be still as possible, like Inga’s baby rabbit when the puppies came around. I’d never heard any of this, and even without my mother’s warning and my own vow, I wouldn’t have said any of this to Hestar. Our father, the emperor, ruled by divine right and the will of Sól, the one god.

  “Jenna—look at me.”

  I obediently met my mother’s fierce gaze.

  “You understand now why you must never breathe any word of these lessons. It would mean not only your agonizing death, but mine as well.”

  I nodded and she stared at me a moment longer before bending to kiss my forehead, something she hadn’t done in ages.

  “You have the true Elskadyr fire,” she said. “Everything I’ve done, all I’ve sacrificed, has been for you, so you will return our family to glory. Understand?”

  “Yes, Mother,” I answered, not at all honestly this time, but a creeping sensation in my tummy warned that I shouldn’t say otherwise.

  “The Elskadyr family will regain our rightful place and banish the upstart Konyngrrs.” She sounded dreamy again, the smoke coiling thick around me. It made my eyelids heavy, but I widened my eyes, certain there would be a price to pay if I missed anything.

  “When I was a girl I was gowned in the best of silks and wore pearls in my hair every day. I bathed in goat’s milk and never walked in the sun, so my skin would be pure and fair. No other maid in all of the empire could match my beauty.”

  “What does the sun look like?” I asked, when she trailed off.

  “It’s beyond the doors, in the outside—a harsh and burning light in the sky. Much brighter than the chandeliers in here. It turns your skin dark and ages you beyond your years.” She touched my cheek. “You needn’t worry about it. Your skin is even paler than mine, even more perfect, because you live here, where the light doesn’t burn. All of this is to protect you, to preserve your beauty. For you will be a great beauty. Perhaps more so than even your mother.”

  Her eyes glinted with that lizard coldness, making me wonder if that would be a good thing.

  “You are the most beautiful woman in all of Dasnaria,” I told her, “and the most highly ranked.”

  She smiled at me. “It was ever so. And though my father could have defeated Emperor Fritjof and taken the throne back by force, he was far more clever than that. He laid his plans carefully, my father.”

  “Grandfather,” I whispered.

  “Both of them,” she agreed. “My father, King Gøren, is your grandfather and so was Emperor Fritjof, before he passed on, leaving the empire to your father, His Imperial Majesty Emperor Einarr. I was but fourteen when we wed. My father brought me to the coronation and I dazzled your father with my beauty, and my dances.”

  I’d heard this part before. How my mother danced for my father and he could do nothing but invite her to his bed, making her first wife. “I became the most highly ranked woman in the empire, all because I obeyed my mother and father. I am Empress of Dasnaria, reclaiming our family’s birthright, and now you will continue our campaign. You will do as I did.”

  “I’ll learn to dance like you?” I offered it tentatively, as she’d lapsed into silence again.

  She laughed and patted my head. “I forget what it was like to be so innocent. So without guile. Was I ever so?”

  She wasn’t asking me this time, so I didn’t answer.

  “I doubt it,” she mused. “Dancing, yes. You already dance well, and you will continue to train. One day you will perform the ducerse for the emperor and your betrothed, and all will look upon you with desire and envy. But you must practice diligently. And you must learn to preserve your beauty. Going about with wet hair is not something a future empress does. Most of all, you must be obedient. Trust that we will teach you what you need to know.”

  That meant no elephants, I could tell. No going out the doors.

  “What about Kral?” I asked. “He’s an Elskadyr, too.”

  “Good,” my mother said. “You’re thinking now. Yes, he is, but remember what I said about boys going to men?”

  “Boys can’t learn the ways of men by living among women, so they have to leave,” I recited.

  “Excellent. You will do well by memorizing what I tell you, just so. Memorize, then hold the information in the silence of your heart. This tutor Hestar and Kral go to, he is Konyngrr’s man. Your father uses him to groom his sons to his own ways. I cannot change that. He will do the same with his other sons; all will belong to their father, to the world of men. Saira and Jilliya think to play this game, but t
hey cannot. They will lose their sons and their daughters have not the mettle.

  “Not like you—you are special. You are my secret weapon. Your father can claim my son, but he can’t take you away from me, which means we have years to plan our strategy. The boys will have their roles, but they will have no choice but to fall into our plan. At the end you will have the satisfaction of seeing Hestar ground beneath your jeweled foot, and you’ll see your brother Kral triumph. Won’t that be a fine day?”

  “Hestar is my brother, too,” I said, realizing as I did that I sounded stubborn, not obedient. “He’s my friend.” And I liked him better than Kral, who could be a brat.

  “I see I’ve left this too long. Who knew you’d grow up so fast? Hestar is your half-brother and never your friend. He already got you in trouble, didn’t he? He told you things he should not have. And now you must be punished for it.”

  The fear returned, with sudden swift intensity. I had forgotten during the long story. Or thought my mother wasn’t so angry. Seeing her now, though, I knew she hadn’t forgotten. “I’m sorry, Mother,” I said, meaning it with all my heart. Why, oh why had I mentioned the elephants to Kaia?

  “I know you believe you’re sorry.” She slid her nails through my hair. “But you must be sorry to the core of your being. You must regret spilling secrets so much that you’ll never even imagine doing so again. You’ll learn this as you get older: loyalty enforced by pain is the only kind to rely on. Now stand up.”

  I did, quickly. Happy to put distance between us. My mother pulled a cord, making a bell ring, and one of her servants appeared immediately. “Send Hede.”

  “Yes, Your Imperial Majesty.” The maid scurried off, wincing the same as Kaia had.

  I stood frozen. I knew Hede, of course, as I knew everyone in the seraglio. But she never bothered us children. Still, we knew the stories, heard the servants and rekjabrel weep over their punishments at her hand. She carried a whip coiled at her waist, ever ready to deal incentive to lazy girls and recalcitrant concubines.